My Grandfather, a wise old man used to say:-
"Jy is dit met wie jy meng"
"You are known by the people that you associate with"
Was my late Grandfather a snob? absolutely not. He was a distinguished gentlemen, a wise School Principal that never had a bad word to say about anybody. He was also a very religious and deeply principled man that cared for his fellow human beings.
Caring however did not imply co-dependence, it meant understanding that each person, including his own son have their personal journey to walk. He also understood that it was okay not to interfere or make their frequency your own, to allow them the space to do what they have and want to.
He would have understood that my father and I had nothing to do with each other for 13 years prior to his death, not because I did not love him or he me or that we had major fights or blow outs, simply that we could not be in the same room, we could not share frequencies. Do I judge my dad? No I accept him as my father and he has his rightful place, but I understood his life journey and my own and I further understood that our journeys did not include each other from a certain point forward.
Having said that my Grandfather was a religious man leaves me thinking that he would be deeply sad with the fact that I, his youngest Grand daughter, whom he always had a soft spot for, turned out turning her back on organised religion, he would never have interfered with this though. He would have just observed.
One thing is for certain, althought he structure of organised religion worked for him, he understood life and he understood it fully. I often think that he must have been so frustrated with what he knew about life versus what was contained in the bounds of organised religion. But I am digressing.
He understood about frequencies and how we resonate with what we have and allow in our space. The beauty of this understanding had nothing to do with snobbery but stating what is, honestly and openly without judgement.
This point of discernment and not judgement is often so very misunderstood. Because structure of organised religion and others dictate that one should not judge,(it is not judgement but discernment) or because we are lonely and too afraid to look for what really resonates with us, or because we feel we are no better we settle for and sometimes self sabotage by associating with what is fatal for our growth.
Then of course there is always the shape shifters that prowl and look for the needy, wear the mask that would suite the need of the victim and very subtly play them down, without the victim being any wiser to what is really going on. The perpetrator and the victim often co-dependent.
A friend the other day told me that I am way too negative and judgemental and I should just let go and let god. Well I am sorry, I am at the head of the ship of my life and I carefully and with great discernment choose the passengers and guests on my ship. This does not imply that I judge, I resent judgement as per the note I did on this but I exercise my right of choice of association.
Every now and again I misread a passenger / guest and allow such person on my ship and end up horribly sad and disappointed, which leaves me a little more discerning each time I encounter someone new and a little more cautious before letting somebody on the ship.
Yes, it sometimes makes for a lonely life, but a REAL life. What I have in my space is predictable and familiar and reliable and it fits my life purpose beautifully.
100726
Sophia
No comments:
Post a Comment