Peace of Sorts Settles In

Let me clarify right at the outset.
I am not a feminist,
I am not a man hater,
I am a women with a story to tell and in some instances it is not perhaps a nice story, but it is my story and I am special and this stuff is REAL. I am proud to give expression to it.

If you have serious sexist issues or are a senstive reader, perhaps abort this read now.


Right now my feelings of disgust, dissapointment, raw nausea and intense anger is most prevalent.

I get home and rub my nose irritably. Man in my life tells me, give me 300 good reasons for why you are so edgy.

1 Men
2 Men
3 Men
99 Men
156 Men
199 Men
200 Men
300 Men and every number in between represented men and not just men, flavored descriptions of men.

It became good banter between us about women this and men this. The joke about men of course lasted the best part of 2 hours over dinner and turned almost into a defending the cave man / women. It was great fun and llightened the spirits a little.

It is not just the events of the day that got me wound up however, it is also 100 reasons why I am so angry at myself for not spotting my blind spots. It took reading a book I had read before to open my eyes to what is so blatantly obvious. Furhter to this I had a coaching session with a friend and a client this afternoon to reveal that which I was not aware existed and none of it was pleasant.

Back to the book I just read, it opened me up to be fully honest about my patterns that have led me to the situations I have so often encountered with men, at work, socially and in my personal life. You see the abuse perpetuates and repeats in the most deceptive and clandestine ways, and we think that we have arrived and is enlightened only to find that we did not / do not recognise these patterns for what they are.

Just as I am facing my blindspots head on and actively dealing with it, there is an intense anger that wells up in me that those men who have so intensely stabbed at me, now, a day ago, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, seven years ago do not have the courage to face their truth, face their perpetrator behaviour, continues as if nothing is wrong. Well this one is for you with love, I see your fear and your lack of courage and I leave that with you.


For cowards the road of desertion should be left open.
They will carry over to the enemy nothing but their fears.

And in verbalising this, I have found a level of peace. Whatever the outcome, I can face it deal with and be neutral about it.

Sophia
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